swift loss

April 14,2004 was the date i will never forget...that night i woke up hearing my father waking my mother from her sleep...i never thought of anything until i noticed my mom didnt move even a lil' despite my father's shaking of her shoulders...i got up and started to panic.a lil' bit later i turned the lights on and saw how purplish my mom was,her breathing was rare,she only takes in air but not able to take it out...it was a major stroke and her 4th one... a neighbor said that we shud bite her nails to revive her senses,but we noticed that she urined already,when this happens to a stroked person its actually very impossible for him or her to survive...i was holding her hand then i was scared that it wud be the las time that im gonna feel it like that...

My mother went home the next morning but on a white wooden casket,i was so afraid of looking inside her coffin,dreading to confirm that it was really her...my mind could not grasp it,it felt awful,seeing yur loved one on a situation like that is so unbearable,its like a 100 lbs. sack of rice in yur chest!

I asked God why it is all happening,and why it had to be this early,i beg Him if He can to make me feel numb so that i wont feel the pain,that time it was the only way i could think to walk awy from it all!


Losing a love one is one of the ugliest thing ive ever felt in my entire life but what i realized is that asking God to take away what i feel was one of the most foolish thing i ever done...how can i wept for her?if i dont feel any pain with her loss?and how wud i realize how much i love her?


I remember a man back a coupla thousand years ago,He was just like us a man in flesh and blood...He was mistreated,rejected,got hurt like us,but He never asked Father God to take it all away from Him instead His prayer was about Father's will to be done...that even if He was suffering He know His God wont forsake Him..He lived it all,deal with it...

Sometimes we think of certain things that are good for us that we tend to forget that God knows whats best!I was looking for an easy escape then,but then i didnt know He gave me comfort,He understands us,He knows our worries and fears...because He Himself had gone through it... God sometimes calms the storm for us but there are times that /he will let it rage gainst us and calm us instead...

a day in the life of tuts and dogs!!! hehehe...

it has always been fun and sensible to have a conversation to a friend and a mentor like ate tuts...hehehe... and being with her for almost half of a day in her humble home is far more than just having a good conversation,tho' i was freaking scared of her dogs at first,its not hard to feel like im in my own house! shes very warm and cool!!! get it? get it? hehehe...
i miss the days when she richel and i wud go walking/talking at the garden in sm north edsa and having our conversation at the comfort of the seats of the various cafes there without having to purchased even a single cup of coffee...

somehow ate and i are bothered,and were praying but i know God is at work in here! GODBLESSU!!!

the mountain top

we all have mountains in our lives

mountain of problems, struggles, temptations, sin...

and the list goes on...

we had to go through it all before we could reach it's pinnacle...

and we sometimes ask why we have to stumble at our walk in life,

why can't we be like a super human and get away from it all easily?

do we really need to bruised ourselves to be strong?

or feel pain to endure life's challenges?

i was reading a book last year,a fiction book...

about a believer who's asking God why life's so hard?

that if He is really God why can't He just make life easier for us...

God asked the believer...

"what did you felt when you reached Pikes Peak last year after long hours of climbing and walking?"

''relieved,happy, and ecstatic... felt like i've accomplished something really great!and i'm so proud of myself!''

then God replied;

''how would you feel if i hadn't let you climb yourself,instead you found yourself already at the mountaintop? would still feel the same? is that what you really want? to be forced fed life wisdom instead of savouring it one moment at a time? you see i'm not here to make you feel that your struggles are not there when the truth is they do exist... what i want is that you are ready to face,to struggle,to stumble, knowing that i am God and that if you fall i'm there to let you stand again...''

''HISTORY''

I grew up in church and was not alien to the gospel.As a child i learned how to love my family especially my mom...My parents introduced me to God alongside my grandmother wh'os the true pioneer of the christian faith of our clan... Until i became old enough to comprehend Him myself.It was last year that i felt like soaring about a hundred feet off of the floor,experiencing a different kind of high,like i never wanted to go back to this world again.

At that moment in time it may seem like great feelings of elation that i feel are going to last forever...but reality is...they wont.Yes being a christian is not based on feelings, you're on a mountaintop now but sooner or later it is gone or perhaps you tend to get cold...

Sad to think,but true...and im guilty...God and i often times have a one way relationship...
He knows how often i forget to pray and talk to Him,while He's always waiting for me to do so...
how do i say so?
i just know...
i know He is...
isnt that what you call faith???
please tell me...
i need to know...

nakakafrustrate

ako sa sarili ko kasi feeling ko wala akong silbi sa bahay namin...
alam ko naman na hindi pero minsan hindi ko maiwasang isiping ganun nga
i serve God... yes... but this world wont take it as a royal job...
like the white collar ones...
but,i love what i do,and it's hard thinking someday i gotta do something that will take me far awy from it....
God i trust You

ako yun o?

crutch

''God's a CRUTCH?''
its funny thinking of how God seems like a pair of crutches for us...
but we...people sometimes look for our own crutches...
at the wrong places...from wrong things...with the wrong people...
when we think things are getting worse,we tend to turn to all other things...
we sometimes forget to give Him our cares...
or sometimes we think that God is not around when the truth is...
He's just outside our doors...knocking...waiting for us to open that door...
our true "CRUTCH"is Him who eases our pain when we are hurt...
gives us the courage to stand with His help...
but eventually teaches us how to stand and walk on our own...
even when we think we are incapable of just even standing...
yes God is one true "CRUTCH"but He is more than a mere crutch...
He's our Redeemer,Saviour,Emmanuel...just to name a few...

hello

im christine...
from earth...
you?
i love God...
life...
music...
loved ones...
my mom...